So I'm "borrowing" or "recycling" rather, this post from my Blog over at MySpace because I thought it was worth sharing! And since originally posting this, I'm glad to say that I've FOUND someone who meets every item on The List. Wow. Too good to be true?! Well, I certainly hope not, because I'm having his baby!! Now, I think I'm the lucky one!
Dating and The List
Current mood: accomplished
So I've been giving this whole dating thing a lot of thought, mainly because, well---I've never DONE IT. Driving home last night I was listening to KMPS and they were talking about dating. And how long it's been since callers have been on dates. For one 20-year old girl, it was three years. She is married with two kids. Another called in saying it had been 7 years. And another 6 months. Barring Valentine's Day--and last night's dinner with my married friend, Carl--my last date was...a week ago when Doug took me to dinner at Farrelli's. I have been divorced since Jan 17, 2007---but it's been 8 months since I kicked Justin out and all of that time, I've been on three dates. Three REAL dates. Yup. That's it. Now, of course that seems like a lot to the girl who hasn't been on a date in three years. Or the dude who's last date was seven years ago... For me, who has the unfortunate tendancy of jumping into things way, way too quickly---it seems pretty piddley. LOL
My cousin Shaun told me last July/August after Justin moved out---that I needed to take a year "off". No dating. No relationships. Just focus on myself. I didn't listen very well. =( (Sorry, Shaun!)
My counselor has said to date. But to take things s-l-o-w-l-y...and to focus on ME FIRST. Her advice was to not LIVE with anyone until you'd dated them for a year. Wow. I've NEVER done that. LOL
Brooke, Misty, and Doug all said the same thing: date a lot of people, don't get into a relationship right away.
And last night, over dinner with Carl---who I've known for 12 years and at one time considered a surrogate big brother---we discussed this as well and he mentioned that I should take a year off. And that I should make a list of what exactly I was looking for in someone.
Good idea! =) Soooo...with some thought, here's my list!
1. Honesty. Hands down, most important to me. I don't care who you are in my life: husband, boyfriend, friend, family...don't lie to me. I would much rather have the truth anytime, rather than a lie---sugarcoated or not, though I am pretty blunt so am not offended when people are blunt with me. In my "best interest" or not. How can lying ever be in one's "best interest?" Hm. (Mel, you know what I'm talking about!)
2. Trust. Which brings us back to honesty. I HAVE to be able to trust you. I am sometimes too trusting, but I also have a hard time trusting again if I've been burned.
3. Loyalty. Don't cheat. 'Nuff said.
4. Family oriented. Now, I'm not looking for someone who's looking for me to BE their mother---but I'm talking about someone who has a good family base and likes to, well, spend time with their family. =) My family is utmost important in my life, I like to spend time with them (hell, I've worked in the same office as my dad for 9 years now and have lunch with my mom almost every day). I like to spend time with my family--and not just on holiday's or birthday's--but sometimes just because.
5. Friendly/Outgoing. This is a must, because next to family, my friends are most important in my life--some of them are LIKE family to me--I like to spend time with them and if I am doing so, I want someone who won't mind hanging out with my friends as well. Sure, sometime's it will be a 'girls only' thing---that's fine. Go spend time with your friends too. But other times we might all go out---to dinner, bowling, a bar or club, and if you're going to just sit there then it's not going to work for me.
6. Must like cats/dogs. Hellllllooooo...I have four indoor cats, one outdoor cat, and an indoor/outdoor Border Collie dog. No exceptions will be made. Deal with it.
7. Good values/morals. I'm not looking for another drug-addict! Or a cheater. I want someone with a good head on their shoulders, someone who KNOWS right from wrong and isn't constantly making wrong decisions that I have to live with.
8. Good work ethic. My dad is a work-aholic. And has been my whole life. I am used to that. It's fine. What I can't stand is a guy who is constantly calling in sick or worse yet---off work JUST BECAUSE for a long period of time (ie: MONTHS!). If I am working full time, then you can too! =)
9. Decent credit history/amount of debt. Don't laugh. The last few relationships I've been in, have been with people who either A) have bad credit history/bankruptcy, or B) tons and TONS of debt. I am tired of fixing people. I want to find someone who isn't a project!
10. Fun/Conversation. I want to find someone who I can not only have a good time with--and like being around--but someone I can talk to, not at. I like trying new things and am usually up for anything.
11. Gentleman. You know. The guy who opens doors. For once, that would be nice! =)
That's all for now. I do have the right at any time to add/alter The List to whatever I deem necessary! =P